New Media Marketing GuideThis is the New Media Marketing Guide the world has been waiting for. No need to Tweet, text or email, it's ready.

Years in the making, I present: The Guide to Passionate Disruption and World Domination. What follows is a hearty stew of New Media Education and Profanity. Reader beware...there's not as much profanity as you're hoping for. Apologies. The Management.

As the waiter droned on about the specials, I couldn’t help myself, but I started snickering. He was confused, but unflappable. Quick glance to his notes, he was back on track. Blindfolded, you’d think you were in an Italian transmission repair shop in Jersey. His accent was part Guido, part Situation. I wasn’t laughing at the odd accent, that’s just plain rude. Every special of the night he was compelled to add, “is finished off in some lovely extra virgin olive oil”. From the penne to the pesce to the pork shank, all generously coated in extra virgin oil from the supple olive.

Three and a half minutes later...”But those are just the specials, please order what pleases you. We can make anything.” Great. I’ll have the Kung Pao Chicken finished off with a glaze of extra slutty olive oil. Crickets. Nothing. Even my table-mates were dumbstruck. Thankfully, a guy two tables over cracked a smile as he whispered to his wife/mistress, “blah, blah, blah, slutty olive oil”. My work was done.

Aaaah, passionate disruption. The art of lovingly derailing the mundane. The practice of short circuiting the cliché. As Maniacs of the New Media, it should be your rally cry. Come on, loud and unruly, “¡Viva Passionate Disruption!”.

Who do you know who had moderate success with this principle? Hmmmm. Steve Jobs? But this isn’t a cliché post about Steve Jobs. The internet is three Steve Job posts away from imploding. Forget Steve. Your disruptive voice is the only one that matters.

Find it.
Broadcast it with volumetric confidence.
You will become hard to ignore.

(Warning: The line between “genius” and “fucking annoying” is thin.)

Hippo Poop Stain Removal

The world’s steeped in hippo poop because few dare to challenge the system. They’re too sleepy to roll off their inflatable futon and change the channel. What happens when you eat lots of Snickers and Dr. Pepper in the Serengeti? Once the sugar high fades, you get sleepy and pass out in a bush. A hippo comes along and poops in the bush and then rolls in it. IT meaning YOU. Now, you’re dead and real stinky. Moral: Stop consuming junk and wake up OR face the consequences of killer poop.

Wake up and smell your truth. The truth according to YOU is a rare vintage. Trader Joe’s can’t mass produce it for $2 a bottle. As the exclusive copyright holder, you are charged with the responsibility of blasting it to the masses. Since there’s a good chance your truth has similar hues as mine, you better create a stand-out message. If your message doesn’t jump the page and sock me in the face, I may sleep through it.

The Art of Passionate Disruption

1. Find your truth. Unearth your purpose. Discover your uniqueness. (Thankfully, that’s an easy Step 1.) How? Drink, Therapy, Hook up with sexy baristas. Do whatever it takes to momentarily short circuit your Life Loop. In that brief moment of clarity, take notes. Repeat until themes start developing. A pattern of purpose will emerge. Like water from the Port-au-Prince Holiday Inn, boil it down before taking it in. It only takes one honest idea to go global.

2. Craft your message. Draft your manifesto. Cut the heady “only $100k in student loan debt before this degree’s mine!” crap. Make it easy to digest. And EASIER to motivate action. Messaging without a call-to-action is called: Silence. Can you imagine the infomercial for the Lady-So-Smooth Back Hair Removal System without a call-to-action? A soft, smooth, supple back is yours for just 3 payments of $19.95! Trade the monkey on your back for a man. Call now! Tell the masses what you want them to do, how to do it and most important: how it will change their life in magical ways.

3. Blast it loud with passionate confidence and unwavering conviction. Utilize all channels of social media. Shoot a video. Share a screencast. Don’t cold-shoulder old school marketing techniques, either. Most 25 year old marketers haven’t heard of direct mail or the printing press. There’s been an exciting up-tick in conversion rates from these blast-from-the-past strategies. Why? Most are firing their marketing missiles electronically. What a thrill to get a glossy piece of mail with a razor sharp message. Oh, tingles. Someone sent me a tri-fold brochure!

4. Build a blog. Facilitate a Facebook Group. Initiate a Meet Up. Just get the conversation started. Key concept: Conversation. Dialogue. Not Monologue. Interact with your minions. You need to be as real and accessible as your message. Get out there. Nobody’s coming to you…until you drench a couple Abercrombie & Fitch tees with message-infused sweat. Spend the time laying the pavement that leads right to your Den of Righteous Free Thought.

5. Inspire. Move. Motivate. At some point, your message needs to transcend your weekly blog posting. The masses need to pick up the torch and claim ownership to the cause. One guy with a bullhorn broadcasting his truth usually just missed a dose of his Lithium. One guy with a bullhorn inspiring thousands to buy bullhorns is true success in the quest for passionate disruption.

Don’t disrupt solely to be a jerk, ass or whore-ish media opportunist. We’ve become soooo frickin’ smart and can sniff out a rat in lawyer’s clothing quicker than Lindsay Lohan can be posing for booking photos. We already get enough toxins in our diet, no need to assault us with your MSG-filled Super Soaker. Simply, feed us truth. The world’s appetite for a wholesome, honest meal has become insatiable.

Disrupt with passion. Engage with honesty. Change the world. Or at least a couple hundred like- minded souls. That’s more than most will ever do.

Get going! The world’s hungry…

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